Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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