youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
