i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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