I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
