I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize