I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
