hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
