I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
