based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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