ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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