you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I will be naked everywhere
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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