I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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