A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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