a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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