Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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