I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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