i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You ruined the universe
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
