my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
