just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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