Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
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