you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
