i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize