have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
