ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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