We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
two words: eviction party
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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