you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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