i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
