Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
