Don't make out with my wife yet
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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