just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
