Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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