Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
