Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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