Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
