Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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