The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
