4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
