She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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