Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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