We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
