at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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