Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
