I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
