No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
