Someone shit on the floor
i would punch a child for taco bell
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize