Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You may now shotgun with the bride
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
