he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I did not marry a roomba.
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