You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
zippers are such a cool invention
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He passed out mid-signature
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
