To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
