Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
