Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
