My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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