After last night, I could never be a politician.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
