Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
