look no pants
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There's always time for handjobs
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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