I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
