after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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