You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
