Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
