elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
