Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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