So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
