Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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