whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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