i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You ruined the universe
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
