Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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