I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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