remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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