Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize