when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Boobs are out for the taking
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
