I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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