Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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