im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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