he shaved USA in his pubs
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize