Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish I could teleport
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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