benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
