I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
