dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize